The other day when I was getting lunch I went out into the high street and saw some sort of protest going on. I was in a hurry because it’s been a hectic time at work. At first I thought that it was some sort of protest about workfare because it was in front of KFC. But the sight I saw would have been disturbing if it hadn’t been so funny. A group of people were standing near KFC and there was some guy on a podium ranting about hell, the bible and similar topics. One of them was holding some long biblical message on a sign, another was waving a sign around saying “Atheism is a temporary condition”.
There was a counter protest going on by some feminists who were carrying signs saying “end rape culture” and attempting to argue with the Christian protesters. At first I thought they were part of the main protest itself but then I realised that they couldn’t be. I was relieved to see them there and thought about going up to tell them i agreed with them, but I didn’t have time and the main speaker from the Christian group looked very intimidating.
I’ve got absolutely no problem with people believing in God or having a faith but it stops if they try to tell everyone how and what to believe or they try and interfere with people’s lives with stupid narrow minded ideas about “sin”, heaven, hell and so on when they are not doing anyone any harm.
I always have a bit of a love/hate thing going on with religion to be honest. When I was younger I was pretty religious and it helped me survive a lot of problems in my life, I really felt like God was helping me through a lot of things and I had stuff that I still cant fully explain but were like religious experiences. A lot of this may be due to my poor state of mind at the time. I don’t know though, and for that reason even though I am basically a non believer these days, I can’t dismiss it completely. I have kind of a love-hate thing going on with it which is probably incompatible with being a revolutionary communist.
When I was younger I used to get in arguments with Christian missionaries that I encountered on the street and completely demolish their arguments from a “biblical” point of view lol. I kind of miss having that faith and that certainty. I knew God existed and that he was looking after me and that he loved me and i was one of “his people”. But it’s almost certainly not true, if there is a god he is a complete and total bastard so what’s the point of doing all of this stuff to please him? But I miss it. I actually do. I don’t miss the other bullshit that came with it but I miss knowing this stuff was right.
But so much of it is just illogical. And I hate lots of things about religion as well, I hate how intolerant it can be, and how it can be used to justify appalling acts and horrible views such as the people I mentioned at the start of the post wanting to threaten and intimidate atheists and tell people that if they are going to have an abortion or go out with someone who’s the same sex they’re going straight to hell, or for that matter those zionist twats who think that “god told them” to go to the west bank and be a settler and displace people from their land and treat them like shit and it’s all right because “God gave them the land” yeah and so what, who gives a flying fuck, does it justify what’s going on there? I mean really?
I wish I still did sometimes. And I still observe things, I do a lot of stuff that people who are a bit more involved with me in the whole thing probably don’t do. When I am at church services with christian mates I dont sing anything to do with Jesus, like I will sing the rest of the song that goes on about God and how great he is but not the parts that refer to Jesus, turning water into wine and any of that – and of course dying on the cross haha.
For a non believer I spend way too much time thinking about this stuff. I have my own reasons for keeping some of it up which are a bit weird, let me try and explain.
I’ve got a mezuzah up on my door and that as well, I like having all that stuff around because I think it’s quite comforting. Last year I went to Yom Kippur for the first time in quite a few years and although I don’t believe in God that much really I actually thought that fasting and being in the synagogue for the most of the day thinking about what I’d done over that year and how I can like make amends and be a better person and do better was a really good thing for me to do and once you’ve been you can start over again and have a clean slate.
And it doesn’t necessarily have to be anything about believing in God or any of that, it can just be like “that year’s done and the next year’s going to be better” and that sort of stuff.
But one of the main reasons I suppose it’s because people died for the right to do all of this stuff and so now that I can do that without having to worry about it all that much except have to deal with much more than the odd stupid comment from people I might as well you know, it’s like I owe it to them. It’s hard to explain but it’s not really about god, at least not really. Perhaps in spite of god rather than because of him/her if anything. That’s why there are loads of things that I don’t do because I don’t think that if he, if he exists, that he’s deserving of that much respect, and by that I mean things like how to eat food and how to write his name, which I used to take really seriously when I actually thought that he was perfectly good and all of the things I mentioned, as well as thinking that he definitely existed.But yet I can’t just dismiss the whole possibility that God exists in some form or other entirely, so …
My feelings about it are very, very confused and contradictory as opposed to my feelings about the class struggle which are pretty coherent and clear cut these days. I’ve probably made myself look like a massive twat with this post but this is the best I can do right now.